EXTERIOR, HOUSE, DAY.

Dream sequence. He stands outside the front door of a suburban house. He is seen from behind. He rings the bell. It makes a sound like an organ chord.

A faint childish laugh is heard, distorted. He turns to his left, the camera turning with him to remain directly behind his head. In the distance, half-seen (for this ordinary suburban house is apparently set among extensive landscaped gardens), a small girl, in white and pink, is seen running across a lawn. She vanishes behind a tree.

He turns and rings the bell again. The door opens.

INTERIOR, HALLWAY.

A WOMAN opens the door. He is standing outside. He is seen from in front for the first time.

WOMAN

Hello?

HE

Hello.

WOMAN

Are you the Pest Control Officer?

He considers this. He examines himself and sees that he is wearing a boiler suit. He has a large leather bag by his side. He picks this up and examines it. It has “Pest Control Officer” clearly printed on it. He puts it down again.

HE

Yes.

WOMAN

Good.

HE

Are you –

There is the briefest pause as he makes up a name at random.

– Mrs House?

MRS HOUSE

Yes. Do come in, Pest Control Officer.

He enters the house, leaving the case outside. MRS HOUSE closes the door behind him. The hallway is unremarkable. Stairs, two doors, one to the side, one at the far end. The inside of the house is pervaded by very faint organ music – nothing specific, just gentle distant melodious noises.

MRS HOUSE

The trouble started in the bedroom a week ago.

She leads him through the hallway into the bedroom, which is through a door where one might expect the kitchen to be.

INTERIOR, BEDROOM.

Unremarkable: a double bed, armchair, wardrobe.

MRS HOUSE

My husband saw them running across the floor, just there.

She points. He looks over at the far wall. As he watches, three young girls of assorted ages break out from under the bed and run for the cover of the wardrobe. They are wearing the same clothing as the half-glimpsed child outside: white satin bridesmaids’ dresses with wide pink satin bows around the waist. All of them are carrying bouquets of flowers. They vanish behind the wardrobe.

He crosses and looks behind the wardrobe. No-one is there. MRS HOUSE has followed him. He turns to her.

HE

I’m afraid, Mrs House –

He is interrupted by two more identically-dressed girls who run from behind the shelter of a chair on the other side of the room, and vanish quickly through the door.

HE

I’m afraid, Mrs House, this may be quite serious. Do you have a phone I could use?

MRS HOUSE

Of course, Pest Control Officer. Just through here.

She climbs into the wardrobe. With no hesitation, he follows.

INTERIOR, LIVING ROOM.

He follows MRS HOUSE into the living room, clearly through a door leading from the wardrobe. Four more children, of ages ranging from about three to ten, and a mid-teenager in an identical dress, break from where they are sitting on a sofa and run through the room’s other door.

MRS HOUSE

You see, they’re everywhere.

She follows them. He picks up the phone and dials.

HE

Hello, Head Office? We’ve a serious problem here at this house.
I’ve found an infestation of bridesmaids.
Yes, that’s right, at least one nest, possibly others.
Well, I’ll need some more men at least. We need to destroy them before they start to infect the householders.
Yes, I think the mantraps and the harpoon guns would be best. And don’t forget the mustard gas.
Thank you, I’ll expect you in an hour. Goodbye.

He hangs up.

HE

Mrs House?

He follows her through the door.

INTERIOR, HALLWAY.

In the hallway, it is suddenly night. There is a dim light from nowhere in particular. The organ music has become less faint and more coherent. He enters from the second door.

HE

Mrs House?

He hears a giggling behind him. He turns swiftly, and sees a group of bridesmaids by the door he has come in by. This time, they do not bolt.

He turns back just as quick, and sees another group on the stairs. These include the teenager. She is carrying a baby dressed in identical bridesmaid costume and holding a similar bouquet.

HE

MRS HOUSE!

MRS HOUSE enters through the bedroom door. She has been infected. She wears the dress and carries the bouquet. A gaggle of smaller bridesmaids follows.

He turns once more. The hall is entirely lined with bridesmaids, blcoking everything except a passage between him and the front door. The hall is now very dark.

A crunching of footsteps is heard on the path outside. The organ music starts to swell.

Close up on his face. Footsteps continue.

Impassive bridesmaids. None of them now are giggling. All are staring directly and without expression at him. The footsteps continue.

The front door. The hall is completely dark now. The footsteps come to a stop. The organ music suddenly begins anew, very loud, the introduction to one of the less obvious bridal marches. Very intimidating. The handle turns.

His sweating face.

The bridesmaids.

The door begins to open. Brilliant white light enters through the crack.

He is illuminated by the outline of the door as it opens. He cowers as a shadow comes slowly into view. It is the silhouette, outlined in black on white, of a figure in a headdress and a veil. As it advances towards him it becomes clear that it is wearing a gown and carrying a bouquet. But this is no bridesmaid.

The figure continues to advance as he screams...

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All material © Philip Purser-Hallard 2003 except where otherwise noted, and not to be used without permission.