MICROFICTION: GODPLAY

After all he had seen during his grand tour of Heaven, Hell and Purgatory, Dante was naturally perturbed when he died and went to the Bardo.

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‘Is this Dr Faustus’s “Achieving Health through Well-Being” class?’
‘Sorry, the sign’s wrong it’s “Achieving Wealth through Hell-Beings”.’

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The creation myths have it all backward: in the divine realm, disorder is a priceless commodity. Our universe exists to manufacture entropy.

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Following research into so-called Mitochondrial Eve and Y-Chromosomal Adam, demonologists today claim to have identified Ectoplasmic Lilith.

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Imprisoned in fleshy form I waxèd wroth, vowing divine vengeance against the mortals defying Me. Just like all the other babies on the ward.

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My name is Edom Gomorrah, Forensic Theologian. When they tell me God is dead, I ask myself just one question. WHICH GOD, AND HOW DID HE DIE?

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The Cosmic Overmind regrets that your local deity is undergoing routine maintenance. Normal responses to prayer will resume later this aeon.

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‘We named the new forms of quark emerging from the collider War, Famine, Pestilence and Death. In retrospect this may have been a bad idea.’

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‘When I discovered He had another worshipper, I struck Him from the Sacred Books. I demand loyalty from my Gods. After all, I created Them.’

* * *

‘No, I’m not the reincarnation of any of my predecessors,’ said the Pope. ‘So please stop calling me “Joan”!’
The Dalai Lama smiled sweetly.

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Palaeomythozoologists have unearthed a fossil, Simia volans, which they believe may be the most recent common ancestor of angels and devils.

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After a number of Catholic relics were subjected to DNA analysis, St Polybius was redesignated as the patron saint of ‘alien shapeshifters’.

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‘Yeah, it’s totally revolutionised religion. I’ve got 174 worshippers, but I only worship 86 back. Most of their prayers are really boring.’



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