Galatea loved Pygmalion, but as a statue she had been at peace. After his death she bade farewell to their children and sought Medusa’s aid.

* * *

‘Aye, I’m a godherd. Got a pantheon in a peninsula down south. Good worship down there. Only problem’s stopping the randy buggers breeding.’

* * *

A drunken attendee in the bar leers at a flapping harpy. ‘Oi!’ her companion yells. ‘You got the horn for my bird?’ The satyr headbutts him.

* * *

After an incident with Bast and Jenny Mouse, Mr Higgledy Hedgehog’s Anthropomorphic Animals Club voted to bar Egyptian gods from membership.

* * *

‘The coffee beans are Faer Trade. I thought that was a typo, but some fell in the garden and... well, just don’t climb that tree out there.’

* * *

The queen of the fairies is a daughter of ancient gods, an elemental spirit of diamond-white metal. She resents ships being named after her.

* * *

The towed icebergs clash ponderously, crushing the baited longship, stunning our victim. Salted kraken will keep the colony alive for years.

* * *

At dusk the sphinx pride congregates, to bellow out their riddles in enigmatic territorial challenge. The cubs join in with elementary puns.

* * *

‘We order mortal worshippers, and Olduvai send us apes?’ Ra fumed. ‘What do they think they’re playing at?’
‘I quite like them,’ said Thoth.

* * *

Dragonskin will not take tattoos. Instead we use mosaic, replacing prised-loose scales with coloured gems. My human love’s face takes shape.

* * *

Translated, the inscription reads: ‘I am the widow of the Pharaoh Hesht. Before he died, my husband left 100,000 gold deben in a pyramid...’

* * *

Named by her mother – a violated nymph – as a testament to god’s indivinity to god, the cult of Athea, goddess of irreligion, has prospered.

* * *

TEST YOUR LITTLE PRINCESS with an All-Chemickal Virgometer™! Synthetic monocerase means no unicorns are harmed in the manufacturing process.

* * *

‘Last week on Divine Idol, Janus and Isimud’s barbershop recital was upstaged by Ravana, with his simultaneous classical and jazz quintets. ’

* * *

All gods adapt. The original protector of Britain’s primordial forests, the Green Man, now moonlights as a guardian of urban road crossings.

* * *

‘The sword is finely alloyed,’ the smith said. ‘Silvered iron slays both the fair folk and the wolf’s kin.’
‘I’ll take it,’ said King Midas.

* * *

‘I say that wizard should go to the chair. I’d look him in the eye and pull the lever myself. That’ll end his murderous body-swapping ways.’

* * *

Find Zeus’ bastards; breed them. Indoctrinate their progeny. From two demigods, one in four children will be a full god. Build our pantheon.

* * *

Most subjects of the Dark Lord learn only the standard combat drill, but the most promising are admitted for elite training at Orcs’ Bridge.

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