‘Miaow,’ opined the Animal Biologist. The Inorganic Chemist sat stony-faced. So far none of the attendees had met the Theoretical Physicist.

* * *

In Stabilan law, irrevocably changing a person equates to killing them. Children are sentenced to education for the murder of their parents.

* * *

‘Hey – I can teleport!’
‘But at short range, with a delay, not through objects and it tires you out?’
‘Well, at least I don't have to walk.’

* * *

One day all the immigrants, and all the people descended from immigrants, went home. The area around the Olduvai Gorge became quite crowded.

* * *

‘Sasquatch was a term assigned by Europeans. Yeti is inaccurate, and Bigfoot is frankly offensive. I think of myself as a Hominid-American.’

* * *

The starship’s shaman repairs the damaged zombies but cannot help the injured crewmen. ‘I’m a magician, not a doctor!’ He rattles his bones.

* * *

Now biologically extinct, the giraffe had migrated to a new, conceptual niche. As children's toys they were everywhere. And they were angry.

* * *

Just as ancient stone circles acted as primitive computers, archaeologists believe the Cerne Abbas Giant to have been an early form of spam.

* * *

The past is another country. We’ve been at war since they accused our historians of spying. In retaliation we interned everybody born there.

* * *

Layton’s a Hollywood casting consultant. He’s helped to cast films, votes, doubt, iron, spells, skins... His highest prices are for shadows.

* * *

‘Chemical symbol Lo, atomic number N, atomic weight... variable. The name “Lokium” arose because it was first discovered emulating thorium.’

* * *

Bookender’s Parasitic Beard: A form of contagious facial hair discovered by Dr Jezebel Bookender, somewhat to her embarrassment at the time.

* * *

‘Harry’s head joins Charles’ on the spikes – Wills, Ed and Zara still have a shot at the throne. Join us again on Britain’s Got Succession!’

* * *

‘Oh, he invented the karma gun. Makes sure anyone you kill’s reincarnated in too low a form to take revenge. Died of syphilis, poor fellow.’

* * *

Your size has shrunk to that of a quark. You exist in 11 dimensions. Exits are: eastward, upward, inward, untoward, awkward, coward, reward.

* * *

The question is, are we the speakers or the words? The mystic answered as follows: – The logician paused, contemplating ambiguous causality.

* * *

‘To block telepaths, mentally repeat the following phrase: “IF YOU ARE READING THIS MIND, SO ARE THOUSANDS OF OTHERS. TO ADVERTISE HERE...”’

* * *

SHE CAN endow inanimate objects with free will... HE CAN predict the future with perfect accuracy... TOGETHER, they argue about metaphysics.

* * *

Tasmelancholia was constructed as part of a Solar Arts Authority funded project ‘to render the continent of Australia properly symmetrical’.

* * *

‘No, it’s not a spelling mistake. Their system of population classification is based on physiognomic types. It actually is a facist regime.’

* * *

The ragged, blood-stained extras all stopped shambling and pointed excitedly at the spaceships filling the sky. ‘Bugger,’ said the director.

* * *

‘In this field in 2011, Civil War enthusiasts and World War II re-enactors clashed over a double booking. Today we’ll recreate that battle.’

* * *

Aa Bb Cc Dd Ee Ff Gg Hh Ii Jj Kk Ll Mm Nn Oo Pp Qq Rr Ssen Ttience sUubsists between order and chaos. Integligence si etrnopykub.qv#dr(8j<%c

* * *

‘MARATHON RUNNER DIES METRES FROM FINISH LINE. CHOSEN CHARITY BENEFITS.’ The head of Oxfam nodded. That sniper had been a shrewd investment.

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